"And that's where I was found, five days after I hit the ground."
Listening to Hayden always makes me think of two things. Hamilton and my song writing.
Not twenty minutes ago I said goodbye to a new friend, whom I'll likely never see again in my life. I was meant to meet Crystal last night, forgetting that I already had a date with kit ming, to go to temple street night market, I had to cancel our plans. We managed to reschedual another meeting today for lunch, which I've just returned from.
I ate before meeting her, as I was a bit shaky, having not eaten all morning, and we weren't meant to meet in quarry bay 'til quarter past one. After a quick pasta lunch with an iced cappacino with rob, I took the train with plenty of time to spare. I found a nice spot outside to sit and read my book, Norwegian Wood, by the Japanese author Haruki Murakami. Murakami does an excellent job of interpretting the lives of slightly askew young adults. Being with crystal seemed like one of those slightly odd meetings that I sometimes read about in novels. Norwegian Wood is full of those encounters. I'm not sure if I was nervous. Maybe it was a combination of a lack of alcohol, and a little too much coffee.
When we met I was sitting outside reading my book, and enjoying a good loud song by, every time I die. She said that she wasn't very hungry, and asked if I wouldn't mind grabbing a coffee with her from a nearby shop.
We spoke of relationships for a short while, but we had to change to something else, as I'm not sure where I stand on the topic. And she seemed to not understand my semi developed philosophy either. She said that I sounded like a man a couple of times. I'm not sure what was meant be that. I really don't know.
I told her about my highschool graduation, and how I wound up in the hospital with a bad case of alcohol posioning. To this day, my stomach is still really sensitive when I drink. If I stick to wine, or beer then I'm alright, but anything else leaves me in pain for the next couple of days.
I had mentioned last thursday that I have a big thing for asian girls, and she seemed pretty interested in discussing the topic today. Again, I wasn't able to give her a satisfactory explanation. Maybe it's the skin colour, maybe the hair. I told her I knew for certain that it wasn't the docile, compliant, sort of nature that's highly evident in alot of asian women. I like to be challenged. I don't want someone who'll always do what I feel like doing, and relys on me for comfort and company. I need flavour in my conversations, or else my life just glides into a too comfortable state, and my mind drifts away to other matters that aren't productive to think about. I think that's why I love meeting new people so much. Every time I go out drinking with friends, I meet new people with complete ease, and have a great time getting to know someone for just one evening. I've met so many people in Hong Kong, and for one evening shared with them nothing but fun and games, through a wide array conversations.
I was on lamma yesterday visiting my sister, Steph. She really wanted to go for a walk, but I was feeling pretty fatigued because a lack of sleep, so we went down to a small beach that hardly anyone visits. We sat in the sand looking out at the water, watching the occasional fish jump out of the water, probably trying to escape a larger, hungry fish. I'm not sure when it started, but for the past several meetings with Steph we've had some really great talks, that we never had before. Maybe the opportunity just wasn't there before; maybe it's due to what we've been reading lately. My mind was mainly occupied with identity.
We have so many identities, that seem to only restrict freedoms. I'm so used to saying, "I'm a Canadian; I'm an artist; I'm a teacher; I'm a musician." But I'm not any of these things. These are just things that I happen to do, or happen to appently be part of. What does it matter if I called a Canadian, or an American? It seems strange to me to say that I belong to a certain chunk of the earth, just because I happened to be born there. I know this is pretty fucking obvious, but in all ariel views of the earth I've ever seen, not once did I notice big black lines carving up the ground according to whatever government happens to be in place. These titles don't matter.....they're useless to whatever it means to be and exist. There are so many boundries and areas around the world that don't really make much sense. Does anyone really consider Russia as being part of asia? Europe, Asia, Africa, the middle east.... it's all connected.
Anyway, I'm loosing my train of thought now.
There are so many titles and questions from childhood, like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"......It would be great if I had the clarity, and sense of understanding that I think I have now. I would have said something like this to the teacher, "Sorry miss, I don't understand.... What do I want to be? Well, I'm me already, so why do I have to be something else when I get bigger?"
My job isn't who I am, it's just what I do. There's a great bit in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, when having been through a long series of dramatic changes in size, she's not sure what or who she is. She questions whether she's else from school, but says that she couldn't possibly be, because that other girl has such terribly long, curly hair. Anyway, it's a really funny scene.
I'd really like to continue a friendship with crystal, but I don't think she's so interested. There's something attractive about having a conversation with someone, when you really have to push to speak. I'm not sure how to express it....I didn't feel bored, tense, or awkward in any way...it was just interesting.
It was simply, different for me. Any I'd like to have the opportunity to look into it more.
This will likely be my last post in Hong Kong for a while, as I have a flight to return back to canada this friday. I should be back for about six weeks, in which time I'll complete a tefl course, and catch up with some old friends.
I look forward to seeing everyone again.
booya
brendan
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